the ground beneath me is breaking.

this song has never sounded so clear to me than it does now.


"I'm a new soul I came to this strange world hoping
I could learn a bit about how to give and take.
But since I came here felt the joy and the fear
finding myself making every possible mistake

See I'm a young soul in this very strange world hoping
I could learn a bit about what is true and fake.
But why all this hate try to communicate
finding just that love is not always easy to make.

This is a happy end, 'cause you don't understand
Everything you have done, why's everything so wrong?" -
"New Soul" by Yael Naim


But it's hard.so hard.for me to laugh again. in the midst
of my carelessness and fault.
one moment i'm ok, the next, i break.


at times i am lost
i am fragile and broken
But i'm always found in Him.



let this be true, God. let this be my truth that i can
hold onto. i am lost,but i'll be found in You. this is a test
i know. this is so many things.
yet, it is comforting to know that Your hand is behind all
of this.
i cannot deny that i am frustrated for having to make so
many mistakes
and suffer for the consequences.yet You redeem in me.
You give me a new
perspective. You are giving me a second chance.to start
over.
to slow down.to not rush my life. to take it, literally,
one step at a time
i wanted a new identity, a new name, a new change.
you took away from me
what i relied on, was familiar with, set me on unstable ground.
to show me that i am not my own. i am Your's.LET YOUR
KINGDOM COME. LET YOUR
WILL BE DONE.ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN, LORD.
just be here.come, come
and take your people home.i know i want to go home.LET
US SPREAD THE WORD
so God will come sooner!

refine me.define me. mold me. hold me in Your arms.

looks like i won't have to play guitar outside on the curbside of the dorm today afterall. my roommate graciously gave me 20 bucks for my meals today. the first i thought i had this morning when i woke up was: "life is more about the food you eat, the clothes you wear("do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?"-Matthew 6:25)

God is refining me through fire. i managed to finish the 61 questions on the book "the antichrist" in one night. while having to read about extremely false and piercing statements about God and Christians for the whole night in the dim hallway, it was really You who pulled me through it. my Mcard is still nowhere to be seen, but i know today's worry is enough for the day. i have no idea where the rest of my meals will come from but i know that today i'll be okay. that's all i need. thank You God for being gracious to me.

lost and found.hopefully.

i've lost and broken many things during my time here:
-keys (12 times)
-bowl
-phone charger
-credit card
-my laughter

my most recent lost is my M Card. could it be any worse?the answer is yes.

i haven't found what i'm looking for yet.i haven't found a group of solid friends that can stay with me, no matter what the weather is. it's ironic how it fell apart once the seasons started to change from fall to winter. i haven't found classes that i'm really passionate about. i haven't found my soul mate yet. i haven't found my path, my future, or my purpose. i haven't found myself completely. i have so much to learn. in the process, i keep falling on the ground. i am bruised, but i'm not broken. i can't stop now. i'm almost home. i want to go home.

Your timing is perfect.: )

two letters and one package from home. all in one night : )

"i think it is not bad to take a long time to find what you re interested in. so take it easy.: ) i hope things will get better soon." -card from Hisano.

i really needed to hear those words from someone.thank You for speaking them through Hisano's card.: )

It's amazing how we've kept in contact. she lives in japan. the only reason she went to taiwan four years ago was because she was in an international transfer-student program. my family had the blessing of being her host family: )i was 14 and she was 15.

she only stayed for a week but we had such a good time taking sticker pictures, buying cheap t-shirts (she bought one that said "HOT" in shiny, neon flashing colors.my sister and i couldn't stop laughing), and watching pirates of the carribean. i remember showing her my family's photo albums because it was the only thing i could think of for her to do while mel and i did our homework.

i have an abundance of snacks and hot drink packets from my parents. : ) so so so grateful for such considerate and loving parents. i absolutely cannot wait to see and spend time with them again.