incompetent. or just plain useless?

self-doubt
arises as i
try to search for more information
on a topic that is not set in stone yet
i haven't even started
writing the paper
i should make that plural
i need to get a grip and do it
but the escapist inside of my screams:
WAIT.are you sure?
doubt is not a presence i enjoy.

lack of time. breathing for air. dropping my cares.for the moment.

topic proposal
essay memorial
a decade of pages
thrown down into a moldy grave.

silently
we pray for the was
because we are left
with an ample supply
of years to cry.

i watch the person lie on her back
from a distance, i am just a bystander
but as my vision focuses on the face
my heart beats faster
and i cannot wait
for the person to awaken.again.
breathe.please.
don't leave us hanging on hope
because we want to know
if you'll be okay

we always want a resolution
to the things we don't understand
but the plan is already written
let us not doubt God's saving hand.

my bucket list

alright. these are the things i want to do before my life is over:

1. tapdance and beatbox at the same time
2. bungee jump off of a bridge with a loved one
3. revisit europe again with a DSL and have a photography exhibition after that (it will be predominantly sepia, just a heads up)
4. fast for 30 hours to raise awareness for famine in many many countries
5. work as a translator where the need be
6. donate my hair again to someone
7. find a major besides vampire studies during the next 3 years of undergrad
8. be in a relationship with a guy

that's all i have in mind at the moment. this bucket list will most likely change as i grow older but for now, this is it.

wow how long has it been?

current status: response paper due tomorrow. practically done. needs editing.and printing out.drinking a bottle of mocha frappuccino.should eat oranges and banana instead. will do in time.

just a quick update: i've been good. i don't want to worry you or disappoint you but i cannot guarantee very good grades at the moment. i need a better work ethic and try to manage my time more (for example, instead of typing up this blog, i should be finishing my response paper or taking a shower).

HOWEVER,

on the spiritual and the emotional level, it's been an all-time high. i'm loving Good News a capella. i love the music we're singing, the people i'm singing with, but most of all the reason behind the singing: GOD!

i am sad that two friends of mine are leaving during these two days (one is gone already actually). however, i am glad to have spent a few more moments with them this week. God has really been blessing me with the company of great people lately. i never feel alone anymore. thank God.

as i finish the last 6 weeks of freshman year, i continue to realize how much i have grown and changed from the person i was seven months ago. praise God for that.: )