it's really the small things that hold me near.

I opened my eyes from a 10-hour sleep and felt like the ultimate escapist. in the midst of everyone else's lack of sleep, i could still find time to sleep more than the usual 7-8 hours. With French class cancelled due to the oral exam and my oral session moved till thursday lunch, I was free to spend the morning CHOOSING COURSES. i write this in capital letters because it is not something i enjoy doing very much.but then again, what have i really been enjoying lately?

i went to physics of music and my nietzsche writing seminar after lunch. i ended up writing poetry in both classes. detached and dejected, i walked out into the cold to meet alissa (friend from choir) at mason hall to walk to the school of public health. we got there a good 15 minutes after rehearsal had begun. i finally managed to slip on ice for the first time since it started snowing. i was in a hurry to turn around from the first door we tried to open (it was locked, obviously) and fell on my knee. amazingly, it didn't hurt at all.

even during east quad small group Christmas banquet practice, i was just going through the motions, enjoying myself because it was the right thing to do, not because i was truly involved. two hours after small group, zhongnan called me to tell me that he forgot to give us east quaders the december issue for crossculture.

honestly, i only read my sister's article in the last issue. i felt compelled to read the whole issue this time and i am glad that i did. i knew everyone who wrote an article in the issue and was very encouraged by each of their insightful sharings. thanks, zhongnan for walking back to east quad to pass them out.

just then on my way to the resonance room (a.k.a women's bathroom), i saw a girl in my hall crying on the phone in the lounge. i felt compelled to bring her some tissue. thinking that thin toilet paper wasn't very sincere, i went back to my room to get some nice lotion puffs tissue. she looked so grateful when i put them next to her on the couch. who knew a simple act of kindness could put a temporary smile on a crying face. the simplest things are often ignored, overlooked = suppressed to the corner because there are "more important things" to deal with. she knocked on my door just then to say thank you.

i was dejected, detached, and confused.but i end today on a lighter note: there is hope for the world when you truly believe that the small things can ignite a bigger flame.


to my parents: i am alive and well. although i did have thoughts many a time that i could be depressed, even up until today, but because of God, i am ok. don't worry too much about me - i am in God's hands. i'll be home in 15 days (believe it or not). talk to you guys then.