thinking instead of sleeping

maybe it's because i slept for 14 hours yesterday (nap: 3 hours, night: 11 hours). yes, i can sleep for quite awhile if i want to. :) well, it caused me a bit of insomnia last night. i feel like i just tossed and turned until 8 a.m. it was great, well the thinking part at least.

i tend to get nostalgic or just reminiscent at night (esp. summer! probably cuz i don't have much to worry about or do). and probably also because i'm going to a different country for a long time. last night, i just kept thinking about the past four years of high school, the good times i have had with people, and also the pain and worry i've inflicted upon my friends.:

this morning, i hit the lines three times. i think it was because i was in a hurry to go to the bathroom, but nevertheless, it was pretty bad.: \.i just hope i don't hit anything on the test day, which is next week! ahhhh.haha i shall pass this.i want to drive on the road already!

some old poems

What are you thinking about?
In this moment of silence
As these words play across your brain
Where do they go? They pack themselves in between your busy lives
Life is short. We are easily forgetful.
Blink once, twice, as many times as you need
Just don’t keep your eyes shut for too long
You may miss out on what’s most important
When you perceive this colorful mosaic
Try not to focus on each pigment, each square of glass
Zoom out, once in awhile
Refocus on the bigger picture, the real reason you get up and go to school for
It sure wouldn’t be pleasant if you didn’t have a reason
=============================================
“Blue to Grey”
I watch the sky fade
From grey to blue to blue to grey
It’s all the same
In my colorless world
Where did all the color go
Why can’t I put on that superficial glow
I thought I could pull off
I always thought I could be
A part of something
Love can be the hardest thing
To give and to get
It’s filled with the past
And the present, the future can be reconsidered
Cuz we live like we only have now
We love like love won’t ever come around
Again we do things for the moment
We’re afraid because we don’t know
What will happen next
What color will appear instead
Of the blue we know too well.
==============================================
I am a prisoner
In my own head
I can’t explain it
I never can.
I would like to run
From thinking, about anything
Because I feel smothered
By it all.
if I keep running farther
And neglect time’s existence
Will it really just leave me alone?
Will God really let me get away with it all?
I don’t think so, even though I childishly hope that is the case
Reassessment. Reflection. Think, think, think.
For a moment, I’ll stand still
Still from the running, the hiding, the fighting.
For once, I’ll stay put even when the daylight starts fading
Because it’s necessary. To grow. Change. Keep moving.

Happy Birthday Mom

It's my mom's birthday today: ) we ate at the Japanese restaurant at Lakeshore Hotel tonight. The hotpot tasted buttery sweet, but the rest of the food was good. Then after we came home, I made my family some banana splits with melted truffle chocolate on the top of the ice cream.

can't believe it's almos august. i'm so tired of waiting to go. i think flying to Michigan will be enlightening.haha. just tired fo waiting, that's all.anticipation wears me out.

waitttttt.they don't love you like i love you

pack up
don't stray
oh say say say
oh say say say
------------------

two of my friends are leaving this week.one is leaving tomorrow and the other is leaving on thursday.: \.i have one suitcase full already.the second one is going to be pretty empty on purpose.can't have too much weight in your suitcase anyway. the airport keeps lowering the max. weight for suitcases.so annoying haha.: |

no driving class tomorrow due to the typhoon.that means two classes i have to make up.hm.can't wait to get back behind the wheel.there's really nothing to do at home.not even sure if i can go hang out with a friend tomorrow because of the weather.hm.hopefully? haha.or we'll have to reschedule to wed.

it's finally happening.july will soon be over, summer will soon be gone, school is going to start very, very soon. when august comes, it's about time to go buy some taiwanese junk food and put it in the second suitcase. then it'll be 4 a.m., august 16, time to catch my flight. then i'll be out of here...for awhile.what am i supposed to be feeling right now? true, leaving kind of sucks. but it's also exciting. where is the balance? don't want to cry just yet.don't want to cry at all. what am i supposed to do with the time left? i feel like i'm not doing enough but at the same time, i know deep down that all i have now is really all i need. want to be content yet i feel the need to dream big and achieve more. it's a tugging feeling, really.

4 down, 4 more to go

i passed one more practice test. why is it taking me so long?! : | i think it's because i study 30 minutes before i go to sleep (at around 11:00-11:30) with the music on.hahah.yeah. and mel occasionally barging into my room to dry her hair or get water. so i brought my driver's license book with me today as i got some more chinese medicine patches on my back (there's about 11 or 12 of them). the fines and penalty points is so annoying.i forget them so easily.must pass this. : |

so i only have around three weeks left in taiwan this summer. hm.and i'm not doing much.just getting errands done but nothing much.i feel like i should be doing more. good thing there's something going on tomorrow and on the weekend or i else i would have basically wasted this whole week.

misdirected anger

so i was supposed to hang out with bec today.well or i hoped so.wishful thinking never comes true easily, does it?mm.well i originally wanted to hang out with her this afternoon because then she could come over the watch "private practice" at 10.well, it didn't happen so i'm not going to address the issue any further.let's just say the lyrics of "i'm just a kid" were running through my head when i was in the shower tonight.: |

so today is my parents' 23rd anniversary.: ) yay for staying together for all these years! i hope it continues.

listening to "my friends" from the "sweeney todd" soundtrack just makes me feel morbid.

In Tribute to Lucky, our dog for the past 11 years

i remember going up the elevator to my aunt's apartment to see you for the very first time.the door opened, and there you were lying on the floor, surrounded by many petting hands of loving family members. my first thought was: "he's so cute.i'm so glad he's our's."

11 years later, he's still the lively, 3-colored (brown, black, and white), shi-tzu dog i remember from years back. i'll always remember tying you up on a leash before you went out (even though at times i didn't want to because i was in the middle of watching tv or eating dessert), walking you around the neighborhood, at times even leashing you to my bike, pretending you were the horse i never had. sigh, i wish we could have had a few more years together. at least until i graduate from undergrad. mom and dad will be lonely. esp. dad. i can't imagine him coming home and having no one to welcome him as enthusiastically as you have always done. tears fill my eyes as i write this.: *(

today, when we sent you the vet's office the second time, i knew it would be the last time i'd see you as i touched your paw one last time. but i'm not going to cry endlessly because i know you're out of your pain now. you are the first member to go in our family.all i can say is, a lot or little, you have made a difference in my life. life just wouldn't be the same without you always pawing us for food at the dinner table. i'm going to shed my tears now, not out of grief, but because it's just hard to know i'm never going to see you again after these 11 years.


i'll always remember you, Lucky.

3 down, 5 more to go

good news, everyone.: ) i passed 2 more of my practice tests for driving. hooray! the bad news is that on the same morning, my dog lucky had a heart attack.: ( i know that he's already 11 years old, but i didn't think he'd be in the danger of death so soon. he got a sick a couple of times over the past 5 years, but nothing so serious. he has heartworms at the moment which is why he had a seizure this morning. when i got back from driving, i wiped off some of the foam that came from his body this morning. it's one of thos e things you think you'll never encounter, but it happens one day.

so i pray that God will hold Lucky in his arms and bring him to peace either here on earth or in heaven. i just don't want him in misery and pain. well, Lucky, you've been the most loyal dog to us during the twelve years i've been here. i hope that you had a good time being with us.sigh i really don't want you to leave us though. oh shoot.i think something just happened to him.

contemplative

during the sermon this morning, i suddenly thought of what norah jones said in "my blueberry nights."

(explaining to jude law why she didn't go into his shop one last time to say goodbye before she left for a year): "i didn't go in because if i did, i would be the same elizabeth. i didn't want that." that line really struck my heart because like the elizabeth character, i know i need to let go of taiwan and everything that is going to remain here. even though i've been having a blast (esp. during this last summer) and i might not be sick of the sameness anymore like i was a few months ago, i know it's time to go. the past week, i was getting super nervous and scared about going into the "unknown" (aka: college). after hanging around with my friends on friday, i felt a lot better. just knowing that we're all on the same boat, that we have the same worries is a great comfort. now i am more ready to embrace what is to come. it might hurt me, but i'm not going to let that hinder me from enjoying my college life. it's what i've been looking forward to for the past two years. i may not have given it enough thought (even by now), but i trust God will continue to guide me through it all. i mean, getting in was already a miracle. i can trust that He has a lot of wonderful things to show me in Michigan. Now i can't wait to go.27 days left.: )

hilarious morning

this morning. i REALLY didn't want to get out of bed to go driving. It was raining and the sky was so grey. i just wanted to sleep in and hear that driving class had been cancelled.but the phone never rang.so i got up.: \

i was soaked before i even got onto the car. luckily, my teacher told me to get into the car as the girl before me finished parking the car. i drove in the cold air-conditioned car in my water-logged sneakers (wasn't clever enough to wear flip flops today).

the teacher offered to drop me off at the main office station after i finished driving. but the position he parked was right under the edge of the roof. so right when i opened the door, my whole back was bombarded with torrents of water. SO soaked!

after driving, i went to go take two more practice tests for the written tests. i walked into the room with my scantron and tests in hand and i saw a guy CHEATING. he had his whole book open and he was just blatantly copying on his answers onto the scantron. it was madness. i sat in the seat slanted across from his, quite close to the water that was pouring down from the ceiling in the corner. a few people came in, but he just kept cheating. as we progress a few minutes into our tests, suddenly a sound of thunder sounds, or what sounds like thunder at least. THE CEILING BROKE THROUGH! the small corner of about two-three squares just broke and a whole waterfall was pouring down onto the ground. being so close to it, i literally jumped out of my seat and walked out to the other room (the teachers' office). the rest of the ceiling was leaking water like titanic when it was sinking. it was a moment i'll never forget.

yep.i think this was the most fun day i've had in driving class so far.

trip cancelled!

my family and i were going to go to kao shiung tomorrow for the weekend, but the typhoon is spoiling our plans.: ( so i guess we'll either be going next weekend or not at all. which is alright, since we've been there for two consecutive years already.

besides driving and reading the novels, i've been watching a movie almost everyday. i watched "the tracey fragments" yesterday afternoon. it was a film that showed the uglier side of life. ellen page was a victim for major bullying at her high school because her chest wasn't very big.the last scene of the movie was very moving though. after she gets off of the bus in a shower curtain (she just escaped from a horrible apartment), she sees her ex-boyfriend but she keeps walking even though he tries to talk to her. and she says: "nothing can keep me still." it made me think: "wow.she's strong.she's going to get through this."

i just finished watching "my blueberry nights" tonight. Norah Jones and Jude Law! Natalie Portman was so good.she's like the girl version of Johnny Depp. SO versatile in her acting! it was pretty nice too. they're both artsy films (they way it's directed and filmed. so slow and dim-lighted). the ending line was good too: "it didn't take me too long to cross the street. afterall, all that matters is who's across the street, waiting for you." that's pretty true.: ) Jude Law is such a sweet guy.

one thing down on my bucket list (before i go to mich)

so i finally settled the international orientation problem. I successfully registered for it over the phone tonight.: ) yay! now i have time to study for my driver's license tonight.booo.sigh i really don't like taking the practice tests. i still haven't passed any! well i only took it twice, but still! ah.must pass this.i'm starting to wonder if i just don't have the ability to driver well. i'll try.i'm trying.i'm in the process.: |

i can't seem to write in-depth entries about anything under the surface. i still need to get used to it.
---------------------------------

i confess that i'm scared about going to college. that i'm not as ready as i thought i was. my heart is in it, but is my head ready for the academics there? i don't think so. i technically only have one month left of break (well until i jet). when i get there, i'll be going on a short family trip, and then straight off to 8-day orientation (international+residential college). haha i'm looking forward to it though.time to meet my college group of friends!: ) speaking of the family trip, we were planning on having on here in southern taiwan in the city of kao shiung this weekend. BUT, the typhoon is on it's way and should be arriving tomorrow. SO....unless if we want to spend our vacation like last year (we went to kao shiung too but it rained so hard that the only thing we could do was get an expensive massage on the top floor of the hotel.shopping in a mall was even a problem!). yep. we were planning to go white-water rafting.looks like this trip will have to take a raincheck.

ellen page is goood

i downloaded "juno" last night and couldn't wait to watch it this afternoon. it was pretty good! : ) i really enjoyed ellen page's acting. she really did a good job portraying a pregnant teenager. can't believe juno was only 16! wayyy too early to be having a baby. but it happens in life (well if you choose to let it happen), most of the time unexpectedly.

so now i'm downloading "the tracey fragments" to watch sometime this week. i'm planning on watching HSM3 tomorrow night, "private practice" on tuesday, so maybe i'll watch it on wednesday. driving tomorrow again. haha i had a good weekend. now it's all fun and excitement ahead. : )

orientation confusion : z

goodness! that took awhile to figure out. so i'm moving in to the dorms on the 21st, attending international orientation from the 22nd to the 26th. then i have the residential college orientation from the 26th to the 28th.that means i'll be at orientation for a whole week before classes start on the second of September.: o. haha. it's going to be pretty interesting i hope. thanks to mel for helping me out. i had no idea i had to register for international orientation. thought i was good with just one orientation.well now that everything's figured out, i'll be going out to lunch at the restaurant i waitressed at for only a day : JR. haha.eating with family and grandparents. then i'm going to watch juno!!!! i downloaded it last night with the help of kenny.: ) he taught me how to use torrents for downloading.first movie i downloaded haha. okay i'm going to lunch now!

out in nature

went to "garden number six" today with family. it took us around one hour to get there by car. crazy mountain road with a huge bamboo forest. but it was really worth the ride there.: )

i realize that my family never goes on these outings except when my sister is back from college. the only places we go are taipei and sanshia to visit my grandparents.haha it's a good thing it's summer and that mel's back.: )

ate a really yummy plate of lasagna at the cozy little villa restaurant in the garden. got a few mosquito bites, but that's alright! it was a good day.

now i have a family reunion dinner tonight with my mom's side of the family.yep.then back to driving on monday.

finally took my online math test

i've been putting off the online math test that umich requires all incoming freshmen to take for quite awhile. the test came out on june 2nd and i took it today.- ___- yes i know, i've been procrastinating severely. well, i finally took it this afternoon.it wasn't too bad. 50 minutes. when i first started, it took me about 4 minutes to finish 5 questions. SO SLOW! my brain was refusing to move faster after a whole month of not touching any sort of math. i've only been reading novels, but that's about it.

i'll wait for the results to come out. i'm also waiting for my AP scores! don't know why i want to see them so much. haha.need a sense of affirmation that i didn't just hwen diow the whole second semester of my senior year. haha.

i also took my first pratice test for the written part of the driving test. it was alright.good thing i studied last night when i could have been wasting my time on the computer.haha.and i finished another book this morning: "eragon." last fantasy novel i'll be reading in awhile. i still think eoin colfer writes the best fantasy novels. waking up at 8 does make me more productive.

i shall reply my japanese friend, hisano's letter now. just got it today.: )

a productive morning

i managed to wake up at 7:40 this morning due to the help of my mom's calling. i quickly ate breakfast and went to driving class. I learned how to park in a different parking space today. like in a vertical parking space instead of a horizontal one (don't know if you know what i mean.but there are quite a few types of parking right?). yeah. I'm a noobie at it so please forgive me for not knowing the exact terms. I have to take a mock driver's license test tomorrow! one of the 6 i have to pass to take the real thing. guess i'll be studying tonight.: |

i wrote a song this morning. More like i finished writing the song i started on yesterday morning. i think i'm trying to write as many songs with the same chords until i reach my maximum and am forced to learn other chords and ways of playing. haha i'm so lazy. Must play more guitar this summer and write and record more songs. I feel this ultimate peace when I'm writing a song while sitting on my bed. Sigh, i'm going to miss this quiet time i have to myself in the morning when school starts again and i have to start living with a roommate. : | it's time to grow up and move on.

i finally found newton faulkner's "dream catch me." michelle: this is the song that i was looking for last time i asked you. thanks for helping me anyway! i heard it on the radio and memorized more the lyrics. then i used letssingit.com to find it. hahah.yeah i tend to do that a lot.

hanging out with a friend of mine later in the afternoon.i must get rid of my sticky pix coupons and arcade coins! the coupons expire at the end of august! where did all the time go ( i registered for the card 2 years ago thinking i'd be able to finish this off easily.yeah, right). haha okay i shall go read another book now.finished "courage and calling" this morning.i recommend it.

final realization

this is my new blog.i finally realized why i couldn't blog anymore on my old one. blogspot changed to blogger! i know i should have found out earlier but i'm just very careless so i tend to overlook details.plus, i'm still not back in the habit of posting blogs online for people to read.so please forgive me for my long absence (to the ones who have wanted to read my blog for quite awhile now).

yep this is all i have for now.i started driving class today (as in in the actual car.not just class). but since i have to wake up at 8 every morning, i must go sleep earlier today. have a good summer!