more than that

when you read a good piece of writing, it will stick in your mind for years to come. never doubt that it won't. it will, for sure.

so as i listen to augustana sing "i've found my place..." inside, i'm hoping i will soon be able to sing that. the pressure of studying abroad, especially at one of the most expensive public schools in the country, is overwhelming everytime i stop in my steps and think about it. i became more aware of it after spending time around my malaysian friends because most of them are on scholarships. the pressure of finance, the declining economy and the inflation of prices (esp. oil.what's up witht that...), is almost enough to hinder me from enjoying my time here.

like every other human being who has ever had the chance to exist on this earth long enough to develop an ambition in life, i want to find my place in this world. this isn't just about getting what i want and not caring about it afterwards. it's about making a difference in the lives around me, so my life won't have been wasted.

God, i place my trust in You.

morning solitude

"Walk about Zion, go around her,
count her towers,
consider well her ramparts,
view her citadels,
that you may tell of them to the next generation.
For this God is our God for ever and ever;
he will be our guide even to the end." -Psalms 48:12-14-

God is showing me something new everyday. i never knew Psalms could be so refreshing. I used to think all the chapters in the Psalms were all the same. At times, the words would start rolling over each other, not sticking in my heart or head. I'm glad that suddenly my eyes are seeing what i've missed in the past when i read over these chapters.

course choosing dilemma

this is a poem i wrote the night before i chose my classes:


here are my options
where is my decision?
is it not present
never there when i need it
language genius? psychiatrist?
philosophy, physics of music
i never knew the two words even rhymed
business woman? advertisements?
musician, make something out of it?
how do i combine it all
into something with potential
that is my biggest question
i have it laid out in front of me
i'm just afraid to connect it
it remains. incomplete. - tiff pan

interpretive facial expressions

this is one of those spontaneous moments where i decide to do something and i do it immediately.
it's a little freaky with the lighting and effect, but just see it as an artistic creation done on first try. yeah this is just for fun. don't make anything out of it if you can help it lol. i am perfectly ane, i just had to do something weird and out of the routine.yep: )

腳酸

this morning, i got up, ate some cereal and strawberries, and went down to tyler house to choose my classes. my advisor was very patient and experienced. she recommended some courses but she was okay with it when i didn't end up taking some of the suggested courses. : ) she wanted me to take a class on the history of eastern religions. i looked at the class description and decided that i wouldn't be able to write essays and tests about all these different religions. don't know. i mean, i think religion is more of a personal thing for me. i wouldn't really want to take a class on it and be graded for it. it just makes it very formal and "out there." not that i have anything against different religions from my own.

so near 11, i caught the bus with aisyah and her roommate kristin, and we went to meijiers. we're going to be going again on friday for "meijier madness" but we figured we'd get some things first just in case it'd be too crowded with people wanting the same things. so i bought a whiteboard, black sharpies, post-it tabs, bigger envelopes in case if i need to send a bigger package, a bottle of raspberry juice and two strawberry yogurt cups. i couldn't find the liquid yogurt so i just took what i saw. i wanted to put it on top of my cereal so it wouldn't be so dry.: ) yeah

the three of us got back at around 2. we walked all the way to mosher jordan (mojo for short) and the cafeteria was closed already.so we bought some pizza at the school store right above it and ate in the lovely, legendary mojo cafeteria. some people have described it as "heaven." haha i think that's a little over, but it is very beautiful. this is the dorm i ALMOST signed up for, if it wasn't for the RC. most of the students who live in it are in engineering or science. so...no idea.

my roommate is coming over in 10 minutes. i went to go mail a parcel so i didn't have time to take a nap.ahwell.i'll take a short nap now.

tomorrow 8:40

i'm actually choosing my classes tomorrow. today was just RC orientation.nonetheless, i have a better idea on what i want to take this semester. so far i have french, physics of music (have to take a natural science credit.plus, it sounds pretty interesting), an english seminar on psychologists and philosophers (for some reason, i'm becoming quite taken with philosophy lately), and probably a calc class (for b-school next year if i get in). i'm really hoping by the end of the second year, i'll be able to travel abroad to france and actually be able to speak the language to a certain proficiency. that'd be a dream come true. i love travelling to new places, but i think being able to communicate with the local people there is even a bigger plus.

today at orientation before introducing ourselves (there were around 19 of us international students), aisyah was like: "go.sing.this is your chance."
me: "...no way.are you kidding me?"
aisyah: "just do it."
me: "...nah.it's alright."
aisyah: "see.that's why you aren't famous yet."
me: "why are you so....honest."

she has a point haha. i should be prepared to show people my talent when they ask of it. this has always been a very ambivalent subject for me. yeah, i write songs.yes, i love to sing, harmonize with others, IMPROVISE. i enjoy performing on stage or just for a small crowd of people, and even one person. it's something i really love doing, but is it something i want to take to the next level? lately, i've been watching some clips of teenage celebrities who came out when they were around 16. i can't lie: i am a little envious of their fame, their lives of opportunity. it's all out there for them and it's all happening. but then i see clips of them getting bombared by the paparazzi, and i think again: is it worth it?

i enjoy alone time. sometimes, i prefer it over hanging out with a huge group of people i don't know very well. i like the safe, the familiar. but at times, i like to do something bold and risky. like all people, i like success over failure. but that doesn't mean that i'm going to give something i'm passionate about up that easily.

now i hear my mom's voice saying: "opportunity comes to those who are prepared." guess i better be prepared all the time.: )

free morning

i'm choosing my classes at 1 PM so this morning, i got to sleep in!!! and sleep in i did.: ) for a change today, i ate an orange and finished the rest of the birthday cake alexis gave me yesterday. she said that while they were at costco, they "accidently" bought a birthday cake for no one. haha. her mom and best friend are both really nice. they invited me to their house on labor day, which is the first day of september. i'll probably go if i have nothing else planned on that day. : )

i'm going to go run some errands outside. must bring my map with me or else i'll definitely get lost. i had trouble getting to south quad yesterday even though i've been there once. i was almost there, but i thought i was going the wrong way so i walked back a street. thank goodness that i saw aisyah and bashira walking over. okay must go do first load of laundry now.

grateful

I met my roommate today! her name is alexis cook, as you probably know already from an ealier blog post. she's really nice! she treated me to dinner at chili's tonight.it was pretty fun driving in her 16-year old van out of campus. haha it's awesome to ride in someone else's car, in my opinion, but even better to drive your own.but since i don't have a car or a license in michigan at the moment, riding in other people's cars (buses included) will have to suffice.

best news ever since i got to michigan: ALEXIS HAS A GUITAR!!!we carried it in today before we went out to eat.i was metaphorically emanating joy and gratitude when she mentioned that she had a guitar in the van. : )))) looks like i'll be able to continue writing songs while i'm here. so i guess i won't have to bring my guitar here this year afterall.: ) so happy.

haha not like i'm putting the guitar over my friends. there are three people from china who helped alexis and me to move my roommate's bed down from the bunk. i'm really glad we got the room on the corner (as in, the last one down the cooley house hall 2nd floor). it's a bit bigger than the other rooms.: ) sweet.

so despite that i was a bit worried about being in east quad (rumor has it that the people here are more eccentric and individualistic) because it was co-ed and whatnot. turns out that God had it already planned out for me. i knew and still know that God always has a plan for me, but i didn't trust Him enough to provide me such a wonderful living area. i am truly grateful.

8:09 AM.dorm room

breakfast in my dorm room isn't so bad because my sister bought me a load of fruit yesterday.i'm currently eating a pluot (hybrid of a plum and an apricot).it's succulent! good thing that michigan has them.i thought it was a californian fruit. i doubt that the cefeteria is going to have them though. there are still benefits in going to school in cali.but then again, it's how you view life.; )

i think i'm still nervous about being here because these past two mornings, i've been waking up 2 hours before my alarm clock. i get up, look at my cell phone, then go back to sleep. i need to relax.seriously. i have around 21 minutes to get to the league. i think i'll read a bit of the book emily gave me for my birthday. it's called "neverwhere" by neil gaiman. every heard of it? well, he is the bestselling author of "American Gods"and "Stardust."

after reading "change of heart"

on the last page before the epilogue of the novel, there was a quote printed on the empty pages:

"There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle." - Albert Einstein


i really like this quote because i fully agree with Albert Einstein: we only have one life to live. you can view it however you want to view it.

this brings me to think about eating a bowl of pho tonight by myself. it was the first time eating out by myself for a long time. my friends ate at 5, but i wasn't hungry then, so i didn't go find them. i had to go pick up my hair dryer and batteries at my sister's place after dinner anyway. it was still quite lonely eating noodles while watching a group of 8 people sit together for a wonderful dinner. : |

my lock-out created an opportunity for me to knock on my neighbor's door. it was quite funny because when i knocked, she was like: "誰! 誰!" really loudly so i said: "隔壁的!" yeah, her name is stephanie, the name i ALMOST had. she accompanied me to find the RA. thank goodness they passed us in the hallway.the RA wrote my UM id number down. i think it's the same policy we had at camp: you can't exceed 3 or more lock-outs or else you'll have to pay a penalty. at camp, it was wearing an orange (basically, different colored) lanyard to signify that you locked yourself out a multiple of times. but in college, it'll probably be a fine or community service.

okay i'm going to go shower now.hopefully there will be hot water tonight.despite that it's still summer, it gets pretty cold at night here.

1st day of orientation

the day has ended.

i would post some pictures but i haven't figure out how to download pictures using a cable cord. i'm going to ask my dad when my parents come back from shanty creek in two days. i threw away the last four strawberries because they started growing mold.gross, eh? the blueberries are fine still. my malaysian friends are eating at south quad, but i'm just too tired to walk there right now.i'm not very hungry right now. so i'm just going to stay in my room and eat blueberries. : )

orientation was pretty good today. there was the "stand up when your country is called" opening, hilarious skit of the international student coming to umich.the mother was so good! "no pressure, no pressure!" (after naming all the members of the family depending on the father's income).

i dropped by my sister's apartment at around 3 today because i didn't have to check-in with an international passport. stayed there and watched "my sweet 16." it's one of the most ridiculous shows i've ever watched.seriously.it's even worse than "the real oc." haha it's around the same type of show though.rich people's lives.[shakes head]. my sister poured me a cup of soymilk while i was there.made me really miss taiwanese soybean milk.: |

walked through the fountain in front of the Michigan League. it was really cool and nice because it's super hot today. i took pictures as i walked through : ). it's tradition to walk through it on orientation because you're walking towards the campus. but when you graduate, you have to walk back from the opposite direction towards Michigan League in your hat and robe. pretty neat, huh.

i think this is the most i've walked in a long time. finally sweated today! i was getting scared that i'd get sick if i kept not sweating. it's a big difference really, taiwan and michigan. but i think it's starting to become more familiar.

room 240.alone.but will cope.

honestly, after reading josh hwang's note on facebook, i'm starting to wonder if my orientation week will be THAT exciting.haha.well, first of all, i need to meet some people in my dorm first. i'm all moved in right now, but i'm all by myself. my roommmate hasn't come in yet because she's from michigan so her move-in day is later. orientation starts tomorrow at 8 am so it's not like i can sleep too late tonight.

eating dinner by myself tonight. i was hoping to go eat with some of the people in the dorm.looks like i'll have to gather up my courage and knock on the door next door.haha.so this is quite new for me. i mean, the longest i've ever lived in a dorm was at camp 4 years ago.even back then, i had friends from nehs. now, i don't have anyone.i wish i had at least one friend i could go meet people with.but since i don't, i'll stop wishing for the impossible.

i bought some cards today at meijiers (it's the "target" store of michigan). i should go locate the post office on my way back from dinner tonight. i also have to look up where orientation is tomorrow.ahhh i have to do everything myself now.this is quite overwhelming. God, please give me a hand here.

move-in

i shut my super fat suitcase up already. beside me are two bagged apples my mom and i took from the hotel breakfast place. on the other side are two bottles of water we bought from Rite-Aid. i sit here, waiting for move-in.

my mom wants me to eat a chewable vitamin the size of a quarter. it tastes kind of like iron.just kidding, it's just a little sour. i tell her that it tastes hai how because she asks. it still tastes like medicine.

when i finish moving in, i'll write another blog post. till then, this is all i can put down into this box.

5: 06 AM.hotel bathtub.

i woke up at 4 and i can't get back to sleep.i guess there was a reason why i named my macbook "dawn." originally it was to symbolize "the dawn of new things, of great happenings and creations," but now it also represents my early waking.

heading north to canada today. two-day trip to niagra falls! i should be more excited. it seems like currently, my homesickness is sapping all my energy and life from me. i don't even have dreams when i sleep anymore. i'll try to get over it in the meantime.

life being what it is

ate at olive garden tonight with my family and jerry and his parents. it was pretty good!: ) i ordered a meal called "tour of italy" which consists of lasagna, fettucini, and a piece of bread-crusted chicken. i shared with my mom and we still couldn't finish it completely.crazy sized meals here. : 0

i love the breadsticks though.i still have a few more in this take-out bag for later. i keep "starving" these days because i don't have food stored up in this hotel room. i basically just sleep during the afternoons. not much to do here..yet. and i still feel jetlagged for some reason. going to birch run tomorrow.it's an outlet mall.going to buy my running sneakers there and maybe take a run on the treadmill tomorrow night.: ) i think running will make me feel more at home haha. i'm also getting my M-card (basically ID card) and my bank account tomorrow! pretty exciting.

got my cell phone today at T-mobile. it's black and orange.pretty slick and easy to use. and it's almost midnight here but i think i'll stay up a bit because i slept on the way back from Jerry's house too (it's an hour away from the hotel). yeah. i had no idea i could sleep so much.no, really.

8:39 AM

waiting to go to church. jerry is picking us up soon.then to the mall to get me a cell phone.more like add a line under mel's t-mobile account.every place has it's "better" cell phone brand.and for michigan, it's t-mobile. then probably get some lovely california roll for lunch: ))))) haha.okay that's one thing i'm looking forward too.i'll probably try to buy a thicker jacket that i can wear here. this morning, my family and i were walking outside of the hotel.it felt like we were in an air-conditioned room.around 22 degrees celcius.haha it's cold here in the morning and night. pretty sunny during the day though.

i think i'll go read my book until we go.not much to do at the moment.oh yeah, the medley race for women and men was so exciting to watch. phelps was amazing (as always)! and dara torrez was super super fast.she was almost going to catch up with australia but it was a bit of distance.it was a good match nonetheless.: )

Hotel Room 113

sitting here in front of this mirror listening to "gone"-nsync. had my first dinner on the umich campus today. it was pretty decent. asian-spiced western food. salmon was still my favorite. probably cuz it reminds me of how my mom makes it.i'm really missing the food. for example, for lunch (actually ate at 2:30 today), my sister and Jerry bought McDonalds for us. even after eating a big mac, i was still so hungry. i can only say that my hunger here is different than the hunger i get in taiwan. i'm hungry for taiwanese food. it's not that the food here isn't filling, believe me it is, but it just isn't satiating my appetite.weird huh? well i guess i just have to get used to it.must find a way to make my life start here. God, i pray that i will follow You closely.

maybe i'll watch some grey's anatomy later.or finish "change of heart"-jodi picoult. i actually slept a lot today, but for some reason, i feel like sleep is my ultimate refuge from adjusting at the moment. i don't even have dreams when i sleep. it's like my brain is refusing to accept that i'm finally in michigan. i'll learn to get used to it. meanwhile, i'm missing taiwan.

is it time to cry yet? i don't feel anything. i was a bit reluctant to leave my room this morning. i'm going to miss the many pictures and posters i have spent years rearranging.: | but most of all, i'm going to miss living at home. 6 months in snow is quite a challenge for a person who has never lived in a place that snows. i'm definitely moving out to california after undergrad. haha.

can't believe it's actually happening. it's here. not tomorrow.today is the day i leave for three months after living in taiwan for 12 years. my family is sitting next to me on these cushoined yellow waiting chairs. it's almost time to board.i shall close dawn now. next post, i'll be in michigan, my new home.

最後一天

i still love this picture. wish we had more time to hang but we did have the past 6 years (which we didn't use well!!!!!). but they're the kind of neighbors that i can pick up with anytime. i'll miss seeing them randomly around the neighborhood though.:

going to nova in a bit to install a few more programs and to buy keyboard protectors (the bad thing about white macbooks is that they get dirty very easily). yeah i'll be back later to enjoy the rest of my afternoon.finish packing.ah sigh.

say it's possible

"Don't wait.
Act now.
This amazing offer won't last long
It's only a chance to pave the path we're on
I know there are more exciting things to talk about
And in time we'll sort it out
And in time we'll sort it out.

And truth is such a funny thing with all these people
Keep on telling me they know what's best and what to be frightened of
And all the rest are wrong
They know nothing about us
They know nothing about us

And though they say it's possible to me
I don't see how it's probable
I see the course we're on
Spinning farther from what I know
I'll hold on
Tell me that you won't let go
Tell me that you won't let go."

such a good song! it's by terri naomi. i heard this song quite awhile ago and thought it was pretty awesome. but for some reason, i didn't download it. i thought she was just a normal (as in, not famous) girl youtubing a song that she wrote. turns out that she has already put out two albums. this song is from her second album "Under the Influence."

a visit from a cali family friend : )

this is joseph from fremont, cali (where we used to live for around 6 years) with the family.: )

just the three of us. wish christine and william came also.
the finished image of a drunken cup of coffee.

so it was a good time seeing joseph again after three years. he came for the TTC internship for EECS (electrical engineering computer science) related work. he was here for a little more than a month. he came to taipei at around the time mel got back from italy and is leaving this sunday, one day after us. pretty neat timing.

it was quite a casual meet-up. i IM-ed him two nights ago and we decided that he'd come for dinner tonight. he rode the high-speed train back and got to taipei the same time we got back from chubei. so insanely fast i must say.: )

hopefully, next summer, mel and i can really go on a road trip in california. haven't been back in 3 years! i used to hold the place as my first home( afterall, it was the place i spent my first six years) and would always try to imagine what it'd be like if i went to gomes, hopkins, and missions. i think i would be quite different in personality and interests. no idea why, but i just think that california and taiwan (despite that both places have asians as the majority) are very different environments to grow up in. i'm glad i moved back at an early age because i wouldn't have been able to experience taiwan as i have been able to in these past 12 years. i'm grateful for everything that has happened here for me, but i'm also glad that a new change is coming so soon. i always wondered what it'd be like to live in america, to actually go to school there. now is my chance to see what it's all about and discover more about myself.

hooray!!! i got to drive on the road today!

happy!: )

hooray

random tidbits from the past

i remember my dad telling me that he'd buy me an ipod shuffle if i did well on my midterms. i don't think i did extremely well, but my dad still bought it for me.: )

i used to draw metoyou bears for people. this one never got to the person. he was a friend i met at camp 4 years ago. i wrote the address wrong but it never came back to me. at least i took a picture of it.yep.

another one for mel. super cute. i should have saved a few for myself. i'll draw more! haha.maybe when i come back for Christmas.

Chinese New Year's in Malaysia!: ) i think you may find this familiar.

yeah that's about it. summer leaves me with very little to post about.i get the whole afternoon to myself today. no idea what i'm going to do.probably continue reading "the grapes of wrath." and "change of heart"-jodi picoult.i love reading during the summer.it's so relaxing.

another tribute to lucky.you're just too cute to forget.

eyeing the object of prey: an orange slice.

swiping a paw at it.

gotcha!

好吃!

still miss lucky. but like everyone else on earth, his time here was only temporary. like our's. must get on with life, don't you think?

DONE WITH DRIVING CLASS

haha i couldn't be more relieved. it's been quite irritating to have to wake up at 8 every morning for the past 3 weeks. i can sleep in again! even though it's only for a few days. basically start school on the 21st.so soon!


i am very grateful and happy that i passed. soph and i kept exchanging nervous grins after each name was called (four people didn't pass : |). i get my license on wed. so excited!

i have yet to find my sunglasses. why does everything disappear over time!? i think it's just me. i'm too disorganized. -|||-. from looking at past pictures, i must say that i have turned quite girly in comparison. it's weird. i never thought i'd be the girly type.but i guess everyone grows up eventually.

reminscent.yet hopeful

here' the day i hoped would never come...
.....leaving taiwan.

and as the clouds come down to the ground...
...so does my time here ebb away.

last sunday

the last of everything.

today was my last sunday at victory church for awhile. saw lots of people and hugged them all goodbye. talked to two of my small group friends. the small group leader's wife is having a baby soon!: ) i'm always happy to hear about such things.

i saw melody today! she's been in canda for the past two years.i've really missed seeing her at church over all this time. so glad i caught her today. she said that now that she's back, she's not quite used to the pace of living here anymore. i'm pretty sure that's how it's going to be for me from here on. back and forth.fast and slow. heavy and light. cheese and soy sauce. wow.it's a big difference. but nonetheless, it's a good chance to grow more mature and knowing of life and of people.

when it all comes down to it, God is the only one who will always be with me. people come and go. relationships begin and end (but hopefully, they continue). time will pass me by, but God will still be by my side even after the storm fades.

i have my driving test tomorrow (for real) at 7:30 tomorrow morning. shall study the afternoon away and finish "persuasion"-jane austen. it is a really good book once you get past the slow beginning.i like her novels because the pace of the story is really how a romantic relationship be: slow but steady.

goodbye to you : \

today, i said goodbye to both sets of grandparents for three months. and all of my relatives too, but i think i'll miss my grandparents more because i see them a lot more. i'll miss my aunt "goo goo" the most out of all my aunts and uncles because she's just so generous and fun to be with.she has an awesome fashion sense too so shopping with her is cool.: )

when i think about leaving, it still seems a bit far-off because it's something i've never had to do. i spent my 1st grade- 12th grade all in the same school. i don't know how to leave, to make a closure to things. i've moved ONCE in my life and i was too young to really feel the dramatic changes of it. now, i'm old enough, and even though i've been expecting and attemping to brace myself for it, I CAN'T SEEM TO FEEL IT YET. today, as my nai nai planted a super wet kiss on my cheek, i could have cried then.but i didn't. i waved goodbye and got on the car.just like that. i remember turning my head back to look at my ah mah before crossing the street. i wanted to capture my ah mah's smiling face to keep me warm in the winter months of michigan. but still, memory can only so so much. seeing people in person is still something irreplaceable. i'll miss taiwan. i'll miss my family in taiwan.but i have to leave taiwan.and all the goodness and the jay-walking, smelly sewers, 50 lan, wonderfully delicious food i just can't give up so fast. but i must learn to let go.

the thought just occurred to me today. many people have been asking me what i'm planning on majoring in. my answer is always: "i'm still thinking about it." because honestly, I DON'T KNOW YET. well as i got out of the shower and was wiping myself with a towel, i thought: "hey. i know what i'm interested in. i have the ideas, the creativity, and the passion.but i don't have the skills.but isn't that why i'm going to college for? or else what would be the point if i knew how to do everything already? AH HOW COME I FIGURED THIS OUT SO SLOWLY?!" so, now, i'm still not too sure which direction i should be heading in. should i stick with advertising?learn the computer skills in college. get my ideas in gear.and go for it? God, what is Your plan for me?

olympics are finally here

i remember watching olympics four years ago at a family friend's house.i went to california for camp that summer (CAA: Center for Academic Achievements) by myself. so as i was staying at their house, we watched it every night. i remember one night we went to san francisco for dinner with the friend's relatives. we were unable to watch the olympics that night because the relatives wanted to watch a video of themselves doing tai chi.it was kind of -- haha.

can't wait to watch michael phelps swim this year. he goes to u of michigan! i remember him saying that he likes to listen to rock music right before a match because it soothes him. he was only 19 back then. haha.almost the same age as i am. that's a little insane.

"time after time"-cyndi lauper is such a good song. i wish i could write such an awesome song to be remembered and listened to "time after time." haha yeah. i think modern music (esp. the songs made after the 90s) have really gone backwards. nsync, britney spears, backstreet boys, and bbmak were a whole lot better than the pop music we have out there right now. i think rock and alternative rock has always been okay. there's always someone and something new coming out that isn't all too bad. i really enjoy the girl songwriters that have been coming out these past few years. i'm all for people who write and sing their own songs like john mayer, jack johnson, and sara bareilles. they are truly talented music artists.

Happy Father's Day! 88節快樂!

it's taiwan's father's day today: ) we celebrated last night for my dad because we'll be going to sanshia, my grandparent's place, tonight for tomorrow's lunch with the relatives. i gave my dad a golf-related popup card that my mom bought on their trip in vegas. i personalized it: ) i think he liked it quite a lot.

going shopping with my sister later while my mom goes and gets a foot massage. time for sticker pictures! yay i'm using up my coupons as quickly as i can. still so many though!

good news for me: my macbook is back from repairment. my hard-drive crashed last week so i had to go get a new one put it. i can't believe that it was probably because i downloaded "juno" and "the tracey fragments." only TWO movies! ahhh i have learned my lesson. THANK GOD that i saved my song files (as in the ones i recorded on garage band). i am currently re-downloading all my music back to my computer since i didn't save those in time. massive music downloading for the next few days.

i just realized how shallow and simple my blogs are.i should have more depth than this.still can't bring myself to go too deep on an online blog.

the younger years

dad.: ) so cute! i took this one.

dad in the rearview mirror.

in our new camry toyota 2 years ago. it was mom's birthday preset from dad.: ) the flowers were from dad i think.

well it has been quite awhile.

listening to the "sweeney todd" soundtrack.makes me think of winter. haha.mel was like: " what is this???"i love this soundtrack.it's so weird and far from what i usually listen to.but that's why it's so good.: )

the goodbye party is postponed because a lot of people can't make it (probably in taipei). i'm not too sure i'll be able to make it then next week.want to go to taichung for a day or two. want to drive on the road finally, pass my test (hopefully!), and GO. haha.

hanging out with a friend in the afternoon. i need to get out of the house (besides the driving place).

one more day of class

today at driving, the teacher told me that tomorrow is the last day of practice.i'm not too worried about passing, it's just that i have to bring myself to study the test questions. haha i'm such a summer bum. i totally don't study any school realted books and delve into novels and movies. that's me.

the very last goodbye dinner is tomorrow night.
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i just got back from a run around the neighborhood. i'm going to miss watching most of the houses in the alley getting refurnished for weeks, the beautiful sky, the view from the slope of lakeshore hotel and all the roads we drive on, and that greyhound that always barks at me and attempts to jump over the fence and bite me ( i make faces at it). for some reason, i tend to look at nature more closely when i'm sweaty and breathing hard. i just feel more intrigued, inspired, impassioned by it. i guess God really intended humans to go outside and enjoy nature. too bad we don't do it often enough.at least i don't. i shall run everyday until i go to michigan, and continue. i think i really got more and more lazy as i grew older. WHY? okay i must become motivated once again.

i''d do it for love, love, love

as the taiwan valentine's day draws near (it's one day before father's day, 8/7), it's SAD (single awareness day) phase all over again. i just finished watching this week's "private practice" episode. addison finally kisses pete, but decides not to be with him because she wants to have what she wants, which is a family with a husband and kids. : ) well i'm glad she knows what she wants and that she's not afraid to go get it. haha i know it's only a soap opera, but likewise, i still don't know what i want...for my future.

it would be nice to find someone to share my life with, but i need to find my own life first. i feel like i haven't even done that yet, even at this age.hm. the more i think about leaving, the more hesitant i am about college. am i as ready as i convince myself to be? who am i fooling? i've been back-tracking these past few months ( i think ever since i found out that i got into u of m) and i still haven't completely pulled myself forward. what's going on?? God, please help me figure it all out before i leave.

wow.: )

after listening to the recording of " 我們走過的日子," i feel pretty content about it.: ) when sarah and i were recording our parts, i thought it didn't sound as good as it coud have been. but after tim's editing and final touches, it sounded a lot better than the rough draft we had before. so thanks, tim!: )

the long walk home

my hair is still wet from the early shower i just took.that's right.i walked home from driving class. i didn't feel like waiting for my mom, who wouldn't get there until half an hour later. so, on impulse driven by the fiery summer heat, i started walking. and i sweated.and sweated.

thank GOODNESS for the Hi-Life at the bottom of the hill of my community. i think i would have dehydrated if it wasn't for the han-tien i bought. today was the day i forgot to bring a bottle of water. but today was also the day where i wore a white shirt and shorts ( i usually wear a colored t-shirt and long jeans.super hot). i was actually debating whether i should wear my flip flops or sneakers.good thing i chose the later. so i could actually walk home without too many food injuries.

so now as i sit here typing this up and listening to an old cd i burned in my younger years ("a thousand miles"-vanessa carlton.yes, that old), i'm thinking about what to do for the rest of the day. most likely finish " the curious incident of the dog in the nighttime" by mark haddon.really good book.probably the best book i've read this summer.too bad summer is almost over.still want to read a lot of novels.boo.

just.me.

The good thing about blogs and journals is that you can write absolutely anything you want. But is it worth writing? Or reading for that matter? Before I get carried away with my nonsensical questions, I'll stop. And pause. And think before I speak.

Whenever I fail to do that, I get into a huge fight with my family. It's insane, unecessary, and hurtful. I know, i know, i know. this. But i can't stop my tongue from spewing out venomous words dripping with Satan's slime. I know it's coming from the worst side of me and I have the protection and defense i need to go against it, yet i let it drag me along. I hate myself for letting it happen. for letting down my guard. for being. an unforgivable sinner. that Satan likes me to think. But i know better. I believe in a better being. I believe in God, the maker and creator of heaven and earth. If that's not great enough, i don't know WHAT is. So God, i ask you once again, please take me back again in Your arms and equip me again so i can stand up for the fight. You did not give me a spirit of timidiy, but of courage and self-discipline. Let me live out a worthy life for You. Amen.